Intimacy is one of the most important elements in keeping a couple together for a long time. But often, long-term relationships may find the fiery spark of early attraction fizzle out especially if they haven’t put in the work. If you are feeling a lack of intimacy in your current relationship, don’t panic - it’s common and there is still time to rebuild it with time and energy. 

Like any kind of relationship, it takes two to tango and it is a personal journey between you and your partner. First, explore your needs individually and then with your partner’s to be sure that all needs are met.

1. Increase self-awareness and self-confidence by exploring your own pleasure needs 

This is a lot harder than it sounds. According to Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, “Women have been socially conditioned by the media, medical professionals and partners to believe their bodies are solely there for their partner’s pleasure.”

On top of this, sex is taught to girls and women that their pleasure is shameful, dirty, complicated and unnecessary - they are taught to “protect her purity”. It is a message that is deeply ingrained, so women have a hard time not subscribing to this belief system.

Despite our cultural stigmas, there’s an overwhelming amount of research showing how women who experience fulfilled sexual pleasure are more likely to experience a better quality of life, more happiness [1], and overall life satisfaction [2]. In the latest research by Kinsey Institute, at least 1 in 2 women around the world had exchanged sexts, showing that women everywhere are finding technology like dating apps to enhance their romantic and sexual lives, and ultimately, their well-being [3]. 

This is what we must embrace - a woman’s sexual wellness is a part of their overall health.

What is the difference between self-confidence and sexual confidence? For most, they go hand-in-hand. Gaining an understanding of your sexual desires and your body can make you feel more confident inside and outside of the bedroom. 

This is where sexual wellness toys can be an asset to improving your self-esteem. Explore your own desires with the help of a versatile toy, like the Arc G-spot Vibrator by Dame Products. The Arc G-Spot Vibrator is a beautifully-designed and ergonomic vibrator aimed to give pleasure both externally and internally, giving you the choice to discover where you like to be touched, your preferred penetration depth, and what intensity levels get you to climax. 

What You Can Do

Schedule time with yourself and create your own pleasure road map to communicate to your partner later on. Have you heard about your erogeneous zones? Bonus, the Arc is waterproof so if water-sex is on your list of erotic fantasies, the Arc G-Spot can help cross this dream off your list. 

Intimacy is established and evolves through communication

Don’t be in despair if you feel awkward in the beginning, with every shared experience and conversation, the level of intimacy is deepened. Without clear communication, your partner will be unable to guess what you like (vice versa!) and we shouldn’t assume that our partners want the exact same thing as we do. Sexologists call this, “mind-reading” defining it as leading to stress, anxiety and miscommunication. 

What You Can Do

Make it a habit to check in and ask honest questions with one another so expectations are clear. 

2. Set A Relaxing Environment - Add a Sensual Massage 

Why not add sensual fun to the conversation! In your next get together, try asking each other these thoughtful questions while giving your partner a luxurious body massage. Keeping relaxed in the body and focusing on each other’s touch can help you feel more comfortable opening up to one another.  

What You Can Do

Light some scented candles, dim the room, and ask your partner to lie down while you give them a massage. Take the time to pay attention to your partner’s whole body and not just their pleasure points. While you are exploring their body, explore their minds too with these five questions, gathered by experts:

• "What would you like to see more of in our relationship?"
• “What’s the first fantasy that comes to mind? Do you want to explore it together?” 
• “Think about all the times we’ve had sex. What are some of your favorites? What made those times special?” 
• “Where and how do you like to be touched?”
• "How do you feel things are going with us?

 SUTIL’s Love Potion (#17 and #23) can be used as foreplay and aftercare but the massage can help add a new form of stimulation and intimacy into your sexual repertoire.

3. Invite toys to partnered play 

Contrary to the myth that adding toys can ruin sex, a recent study by the Kinsey Institute found that women who use vibrators experience “higher levels of desire, arousal, lubrication, and orgasms” [4]. Paired with a partner, they can encourage creativity and add an element of novelty to the relationship. 

In fact, even shopping for a toy together can even count as foreplay. Browse together online from your bed, and talk about what you would like to do with it. 

What You Can Do

If you are looking for something more beginner-friendly, you can check out the  Mimi Soft Clitoral Vibrator by Je Joue. The pebble-shaped design gives a gentle, but deep rumble which is perfect for soft stimulation throughout each other’s bodies.

4. Explore new fantasies together, even when apart 

Time spent apart from your partner can be challenging, even for the strongest of couples. Adding a toy specifically designed for enhancing intimacy can be a game changer for those in long-distance relationships. Enter the Nuo: the world’s first dual-motor butt plug. 

With the Nuo, you can control the device with your phone via the free Je Joue app. 

Let your partner design a program (like a playlist with synced vibration patterns) via the app and email it to you. You can download the session and enjoy naughty solo play tailored to you, by your lover. 

What You Can Do

Pair the Nuo (or any internal device, for that matter) with a high-quality lubricant. Especially when it comes to anal play - there is no such thing as too much lubrication. 

We love SUTIL Rich, a water-based, natural lubricant, great to use with condoms and all toys. It’s long-lasting and optimal for anal play because it’s thicker than most water-based lubes.

5. Get in tuned with her hormonal changes

 At a biological level, men and women’s hormones operate differently. Men are static, whereas women ebb and flow with their menstrual cycles. The fluctuations of hormones like estrogen and progesterone that occur throughout the menstrual cycle can impact a woman’s energy levels, metabolism, vulnerability to injuries, appetites, sleep quality, and more. 

A study of 2,560 participants practicing Natural Family Planning (i.e. a practice of fertility tracking) found that most men (74%) and women (64%) felt NFP helped to improve their relationship, and most women (53%) and men (63%) felt using NFP improved their sex life. 

And on the contrary to what people say, menstruation is not the main event of a menstrual cycle, ovulation is! Ovulation feels good because it switches on the essential hormones for fertility. As your ovaries get ready to release an egg every month, they pump out estrogen. Estrogen stimulates serotonin, which is why you’re more outgoing and energetic in the few days leading up to ovulation. On days after ovulation, your body produces a surge of progesterone—the calming, soothing, anti-inflammatory hormone. 

By tracking a woman’s cycle, both partners can understand how her changes in hormones can affect their chemistry (pun intended). Not only will you know yourself better and gain self-confidence from charting your cycles, but your partner can pay attention to these hormonal changes to adjust his expectations of how much activity the couple can tackle and the needs for rest.